Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The all-knowing subconscious

There is no dearth of romantic songs, both Hindi and English. Like everyone else, I have listened to and loved quite a few over so many years. There are so many that I identified with or that had some incident or story connected with them, be it Annies song or When you say nothing at all or Tum ho to or Phir Dekhiye (I know its not exactly a romantic song, but there’s a story there too!). And yet, when I started meeting T initially, there was only one song which kept humming in my mind all the time, right from the first few times we met. Wonderful tonight.

Wonderful tonight (the live version with Dire Straits) is a timeless classic. The beauty of the song lies in its simplicity. The guitar is mesmerizing, but it’s a simple riff, nothing fast or loud or outlandish and difficult to play. In fact, it is amongst the first songs most budding guitarists learn to play well. The tune, the speed, the mood; everything is slow and light and perfect. The lyrics are again very simple and straightforward; no big words of till death do us apart and of feeling out of the world and in seventh heaven etc. It just describes a simple evening with your loved one. She wonders what clothes to wear; brushes her long long hair; she helps me to bed… And yet, add everything together and we have one of the most memorable and evergreen romantic songs ever.

I didn’t know why it was only Wonderful tonight then and not any other song as well. But as I slowly got to know T during those extraordinary three weeks of my life, I realized that this is exactly how it felt with her. Every evening spent with her, every chat outside the ward, everytime we gossiped at the MSB, this is exactly how it felt. It wasn’t a ‘You fill up my senses’ sensation, and it definitely wasn’t a ‘When you say nothing at all’ one (those who know her would agree that she hardly ever says nothing at all). It wasn’t any overpowering all-conquering swooning and knee weakening sensation. It just felt happy; it felt alive; it felt peaceful; it felt like being yourself without any burden or act; in short it felt wonderful. It felt like, if I can feel like this for the rest of my life, there really isn’t anything more I can ask for.

The song stands out for the simpleness of its emotion, for the spontaneous and non-pretentiousness of how he feels when he is with her. And that is exactly how T turned out to be; simple and spontaneous in all her thoughts and actions, with no pretensions or airs about her. The amazing thing is, I loved the song much before I realized all this. My subconscious realized in few days what took me almost three weeks to realize. And it spoke to me thus, through this song. Probably that is why it is said; in the matter of love, always follow you heart and not your head. It knows you much better than your head ever can!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Its all about loving your parents

People often say that nothing can feel more special than to be loved and to love in return. That is true. But there is a corollary as well. And its about the unconditional love of parents.

Innumerable moments with T have been special beyond limit. The first 3 weeks when we grew to know each other and love and respect each other were memorable. The growing realization during that time of her being the one was a feeling of elation, of exaltation that I can never forget. The day I proposed to her, the times at MSB and Worli seaface, our marriage, our honeymoon; there are too many such unforgettable moments. But if there are some moments that are really etched in my memory like a rock, they have to be the ones involving Papa Mummy.

I remember when I called up Mummy and told her that I will be proposing her and that she is really the one for me. She obviously was thrilled without comparison. I went home that weekend on Saturday, and the hug she gave me was the tightest, warmest and the most passionate hug I have ever had. It said everything about how she was feeling for me, and it was special beyond limit.

The next weekend was our rokna; the first time my parents actually met T. But with everything happening so fast and so many people there, they could hardly interact with her and know her better. So the big day for them was the next Sunday (it was Ganesh Chaturthi), when she came home. And the way she said ‘mumma’ and ‘papa’ in a ‘I know you since I was born’ tone; I knew her magic had already started. She hugged them both like their child and chatted in abandon. And Mummy lost it there itself. She started blabbering as only a person in delirious bliss can do, speaking half sentences and articulating incoherently as she tried to convey the sheer storm of giddy emotions she was going through as she realized how lucky her son was to have found the perfect life partner.

T left in the evening and then it was my usually controlled Papa’s turn to give me a bear hug. He started jumping like a child and animatedly called up Tauji and Chacha and told them I was bringing home a Kohinoor. The poet and the father in him then joined hands as he wrote some amazing and really moving kavitas for his daughter T.

Such moments continue to come every Sunday when we visit home, somehow escaping from our tight schedules. Last week it was Mummy who, in another mad and sentimental moment of hers (they keep coming routinely now), told me that she can never thank me enough for getting T home. This week it was Papa who kept his clinic closed to surprise her by coming over here on her birthday and got a humongous hug in return, as Mummy’s eyes filled with envy and pride as she looked on!

While every moment with T is special, what feels even more special is to see your parents feel so giddily happy for you. So T, thank you, this time not for all that you have done for me by coming into my life, but for all that you have made Mummy Papa feel by being there and accepting them as your own. Parents’ love is always unconditional; they revel in your happiness and share your pain like only parents can. But for you to love them equally unconditionally is something I am really grateful to God about. Because its all about loving your parents, isn’t it!

Happy birthday

So, over a year is up and T’s second birthday (with me) is tomorrow. I keep pestering her for what she wants, and she finally gives me a very difficult job to do. I need to write her a short letter. Something that she can read and relish even 20 years down the line. And I wonder how to write a ‘short’ letter which describes all that she means to me. How do I explain to her emotions the depth of which I myself am yet to comprehend completely. Is it possible at all? So here I am instead, writing my first blog on life after T.

I must start at the beginning; at life before T. I am sure everyone has gone through phases where he or she thinks that life really can’t get any better. I was in that phase; had been in that phase for a long time. And God gave me the most pleasant surprise by showing that life really can get better still!

What has changed after I met her? Everything has changed. Life has changed. I have changed. And yet everything has remained the same. So while I still enjoy every moment the way I used to, the same cool breeze at the sea face feels more special now because she is there to share it with, the same movie becomes more memorable because she is there to experience it with, the same restaurant becomes more enjoyable to dine because she is there to savour and critique all the dishes with me. The mere sight of her smiling face as she is waiting for me outside the canteen for lunch brightens up everything around. The same experience now gives me a level of pleasure which I never thought it could contain. Even the mundane walk to the station from home is not the same anymore. Every moment is fresh and new and exciting and waiting to be experienced together.

I suppose that is what love and marriage really is about. Its all about companionship, about togetherness, about sharing everything with each other, and about enhancing each others’ experiences. Its about every moment spent together feeling special simply by the virtue of it being experienced together. So on this first birthday of yours after our marriage, I want to thank you T for simply being there darling; for being there when I needed you and when I thought I didn’t; for making life so much more special to experience simply by your presence; for making every moment something to cherish and remember because you were a part of it. I love you. Happy birthday :)